Exclusive Hot Spots of 2007: Rehab??!! WTF??

Leave it to Americans to glorify the dwindling state of young Hollywood and their need to go to rehab. There is nothing cool about being so out of control with your drug habits that you need to be secluded from your family and friends and rehabilitated, in order to have a shred of hope to a healthier lifestyle. Looking on the surface it’s hard for me to feel bad for these chicks because all I see is a bunch of ungrateful, tactless young women who were blessed to have the opportunities that they have, only to throw it all away for pounds of coke and exaggerated amounts of alcohol.

Ungrateful b*tches! lol...But clearly there is so much more going on below the surface and that’s when I start to sympathize. What’s sad is that the people that fall victim to this vicious cycle don’t have a stronger support system to keep them straight.
I’m in no position to cast judgment or declare to know what really goes on in their lives but there is clearly a lot of rebelling going on and instability, to say the least. I'm guessing this is the inevitable product of parents that throw in their parental responsibilities in exchange to be their child's bff because I know that if this was me, with the parents that I have, none of this nonsense would be going down. Wrap! Even if I momentarily lost my mind and wanted to indulge in this reckless behavior out of respect for my mother I would sit my @$$ down and find something else to do. lol

Now don't get me wrong, the parents aren't solely to blame, I get that but damn...real friends don't allow you to lose yourself like this either. I don't know. There's really no sense in pointing fingers because these chicks need to be held accountable for their behavior at the end of the day.

Seeing this on websites and the news puts a lot of things in perspective for me. It makes me appreciate what I have more and less envious of the things that they have. Yeah it would be great to be sitting on millions, driving fancy cars, vacationing wherever my heart desires, but I would much rather have the family and friends that I have, the sense of security and confidence within my own skin, my privacy and be genuinely happy.

Whatever, to each their own.

The Dangerous New QUEEN of Soul??!!!

I'm sorry but I am utterly disturbed. I arrive to work this morning and do my routine surfing of the internet, exploring sites like Perez Hilton, Ybf, etc. and it was on Perez Hilton that I saw this foolishness. Now, before I continue on with my fatuous rant, let me make it clear that I absolutely love Amy Winehouse. She is getting HEAVY rotation in the car as well as on my ipod. I simply can't get enough of her. From her raw, prolific lyrics that cuts to the core to her soulful sound, what is there not to love and whole heartily appreciate? Her album Back to Black is a must have for all music lovers. *I personally feel she needs to cut me a check the way I be advertising this broad but whatever.*

Anyway, which brings me to the original point I was trying to make. Although I feel that she's a refreshing alternative to the bullsh*t that's on the radio now a days, the New Queen of Soul??!!!

Let's not get ahead of ourselves now. I'm so sick of how quick critics are to regard someone with such reverence when it's still a work in progress. Slow the f' down!!!
A Queen is a woman that is preeminent in any respect...since we're talking about music, the first person that comes to mind that is worthy of the seat at the throne is Ms. Aretha Franklin.

I don't even need to sit here and try to prove my case because of the name alone...this is not up for debate.
Hate to say this but honestly, Amy Winehouse is the court jester of Soul in comparison.
Not a hater, I'm just sayin'...

Why self-proclaimed Good Women can't find or keep a man!

Enclose you will read an article that caused a "stir" among my group of friends and my response to it. Feel free to leave your comments. I'd like to hear from the ladies and gents. Enjoy!!!
Why self-proclaimed Good Women can't find or keep a man!

This article might hit home to a few of the young ladies, so read this with the mindset that this is just my opinion. A bunch of my female friends can't seem to understand why they can't pull a good man considering that they are bringing so much to the table. I feel that being a guy that has had the opportunity to date a bunch of good women, yet these good women couldn't crack the combination to my heart, that I can address the subject with some credibility and real life experiences.
It's not that these women are bad people or don't have things going for them. Most of these women are truly Good women, these chicks just have the game twisted in a few areas, not to mention that a bunch of these chicks are really crazy and don't realize it. Never fear, CJ is here to help give you the extra game that you need to succeed. Here are five suggestions or thoughts that can help you.

5. You really ain't all that
Ladies, have you made this statement before: I've got a good job, I've got my own crib, and I look halfway decent, I don't know why I can't find a man?. Okay, let's examine the statement that was just made. Bottom line is you make a little loot and you think you look good. That's cool, those are definitely some appealing qualities. Every dude wants a woman that keeps herself up and can pay for a meal or two. But chicks with a cute face and big ass come a dime a dozen. What about your personality? How do you react in a group setting? Do you talk too much? Are you the jealous type? Do you have any friends? Can you cook? Can you clean? Do you have a tendency to be crazy at times (aka- do you overact?)
See, a lot of females have the mindset that because they have a corporate job and make over $70,000 that this automatically makes them a good catch. WRONG! Ya'll gotta treat the dating process like an employment process. Your crib and your looks will get you an interview, but you still have to sell yourself once you get inside the office. If you go into your job interview speaking Ebonics, you won't get the job. And if you try to walk into a relationship without any substance to support your polish, you will get kicked to the curb as soon as we meet another cute chick at Stone trail on a Saturday night that makes a little money and has a few less issues than you do. So my advice is, look beyond the material things that you have and the makeup that you buy from the MAC store, and see if there are any weaknesses that you can improve upon to make yourself a more complete person. Oh, and another thing, quit making a big deal about you not having any kids. Granted, that equates to less baggage and less potential drama, but if you have to sell yourself by indicating that you don't have any kids, then you need help. Sometimes that can hurt you, especially if you're in your 30's. The first thing we think is "What is so wrong about her that nobody wants to put a baby in her??" Sad, but that's how some guys think. I'm just being real. You want the truth; I'm giving you the truth. Okay, let me move on to the next topic before I say something I will regret.




4. Blend in
This may be the realest thing that I have to say: A man knows that he has a good woman when she can come over to the crib and we really don't even notice that she is there Let me do my Mike Jones impression and repeat this, I said a man knows that he has a good woman when she can come over to the crib and we really don't even notice that she is there. The underlying theme behind this point is level of comfort. To really go the distance with someone, you have to be friends. Ladies, if you can come over to the crib and be treated like one of the boys, that's a good sign that you are on the right track. If you come to the crib and the atmosphere is calm and relaxing, you're on the right track. But if every visit to our crib turns out to be an event, the relationship won't last very long. Here are some examples of how you can help accomplish this:
If he's watching the game, don't throw hints about wanting to watch Desperate Housewives or some other show.
The first thing out of your mouth when you walk through the door shouldn't be "I'm hungry" or "What are we going to eat?" Sit yo azz down on the couch for a few minutes before you start trying to dictate the evening.
If he's focused on the game, or a TV show, don't run your mouth. Shut up, give him peace and quiet, and let him watch his damn show! Pick up a magazine or something.
If we ask you how was your day, keep the response to less than 15 seconds. We don't want to hear about the b*** at work that you don't get along with.
Don't start going through things when you get to the house. Sit still in one place. (I know sit still is Country) Don't start looking at mail on the counter or fiddling with the coupons in the kitchen drawer. We get nervous when ya'll start messing with stuff. You might find those Kappa Beach Party pictures from 7 years ago that we've been hiding.
Don't be rushing us when you get to the crib. Don't say things like "You ain't ready yet??" Just sit down, shut up, and wait for us to get ready.

I realize that the way that I'm communicating this may be coming off as rude, but I'm just trying to break it down for ya'll as best I can. Blending in will get you further than you think. Once you become an annoyance or high maintenance at the crib, we won't invite you back over.

3. Get some "country" in you.
Country girls are bred to take care of their man and find a husband. They are raised to cook, clean, and cater to their man in other ways that I can't mention here. These "city girls" are losing out. These city girls are taught to be independent. Personally, I think a combination of country and being independent is most desirable, but country girls are trained to find a man and they are good at it too. See, in the country, there aren't a lot of corporations, so you have more housewives than not. The country usually has one big factory or plant, and the goal is for these women to pull a man that works at this factory or plant. I grew up in the country so I know the deal. Now that Dallas and other cities are growing, these country girls are moving to these suburbs and are on the prowl, and their skills at pulling a man are more fine-tuned than those of the city girls.
Once a guy has had a "country girl", he gets accustomed to certain things. If he later dates a city girl, and she doesn't do some of those same things, it puts them at a disadvantage. I'm not telling ya'll to change who you are, but doing some of the following things will help:

Cook! If you can't cook, learn to cook. I've seen some females that have no desire to cook whatsoever. And don't just cook for him; cook enough so that his boys can eat. That gives you instant props with our boys and they'll keep reminding us that we have a good woman and that we shouldn't mess it up.

If you go to his place, clean up every now and then. I'm not saying that you should turn into Florence from the Jeffersons, but make an effort every now and then. We'll reciprocate by washing your car or helping you put together a shelf or a desk or something like that.

When he comes over to your crib, serve him a beer without him having to ask for one. For extra cool points, drink one with him. If his beer or drink gets low, automatically refill it for him.

Don't be so aggressive all the time. Let him do the talking sometimes. We hate it when we go to a restaurant and ya'll try to take over. If someone asks a question to both of you, let him be the first to respond or at least give him the opportunity.

Keep yourself fixed up at all times. Country girls always keep themselves semi fixed-up because the country is small and you never know who you are going to run into even if you're just going to the convenience store. City girls tend to only fix themselves up when they're going somewhere special. Try to take the additional time to be more presentable in front of your man, even if it is just a day where you are lounging around and aren't doing anything special.

2. Find a Balance
This means many things, but a female has to have personal balance to keep the relationship stable. The balance that I am referring to involves knowing the appropriate point involving crowding your man and giving him his space. I am a big believer that females must have other female friends that they can hang out with from time to time. There is nothing we hate more than becoming involved with a female that has no friends. This always leads to problems. For starters, we can't get a break. Instead of you being able to spread out your problems among multiple friends, we always get the phone call when something goes wrong. Eventually it wears on us when we receive 6 phones calls in a 2 hour period because you feel inclined to update us on any progress involving your issues. Second, it makes it tougher for us to go out with our boys. You may give us some freedom for a month or two to hang out with our boys and play ball, watch the game or play some dominoes but there will be that one day that you feel slighted because we didn't ask you to come along with us. See, a female with friends, have their spa days and that equates to a guy hanging out with his boys. But if the female has no friends, and watches Lifetime all day, she may get upset if we choose to hang out with our friends instead of hanging out with her, even if we do spend the majority of our time with her anyway. On another note, having female friends lets us know that you can get along with other females. I've always found it strange when a female didn't have any female friends. It says a lot about their ability to get along with others. The response I always get is
"Females are messy" so you choose not to deal with them. That's a cop out. You don't have to be buddy buddy with these females, but you should still have a set of female friends that you can call up when you want to hang out every now and then. Bottom line; try to have a few female acquaintances so that you don't end up being a total burden on your man.

1. Recognize that you're crazy and try to rehab your "craziness"
I won't hammer this issue to death, but here are signs of craziness. If you have more than two of these qualities, then you need to realize that you are crazy and go to "crazy rehab". Here they go:
Have you ever gone through your man's things? E-mail, Cell phone, drawers, phone records, etc. Have you ever showed up at his crib unannounced?
Have you brought up the term "marriage" less than 3 months into the relationship?
Do you continuously call your man on his cell phone when he's hanging out with his boys?
When you've asked to come over just for the night, do you end up bringing a bag for the entire weekend?
Do you always bring up the fact that your mother wants grandkids?
Are you always "ready to go" when ya'll are hanging out with his friends?
Do you ever sit home and drink a whole bottle of wine by yourself?
Have you ever threatened to kill your man if he cheats?
Do you take any medications for depression?
Are you always quick to assume that your man is cheating in situations where you have a difficult time getting a hold of him or his behavior changes?
In past relationships, have you ever slashed any tires or broken any windows?
Have you told him that he has to get rid of all his platonic female friends?
Do you change your hairstyle a lot? (Sign of being unstable)

If you have two or more of these qualities, you have been officially diagnosed as crazy. The first step is getting past the denial stage. Please admit that you are a few fries short of a happy meal, or a few sandwiches short of a picnic. After that has been accomplished, actively work on changing your behavior. Don't go through our cell phone or e-mail, and then two weeks later ask us "Who is Keisha?" as if we can't figure out that you've been going through our things. When we're out with our boys, make an effort not to bother us and refrain from calling our cell. Let me have my time to kick it without having to be interrupted because you're lonely or bored, or just want to talk. The list goes on and on.

In closing, if you are able to follow the advice outlined in the 5 points above, you should have no problem keeping or finding a good man.
But if you choose to disobey my advice, you may be in for some serious ups and downs. If you have any questions, please e-mail me at datedoctor@cjspencer.com.



My response:

Normally I wouldn't even dignify this with a response, but for the sake of evoking open discussion and freedom of expression, I will indulge.
So here we have "the date doctor", presumably, educated & established man, seeking to enlighten the minds of, educated, established, yet in his eyes, "oblivious" women. You make this attempt by providing over-generalized, one dimensional point of views, and by doing this, in my opinion, renders your notions, meaningless.
I won't even waste time attacking your poor and offensive delivery which defeats the purpose of being effective or being taken seriously. I will however, try to remain focused on your so-called litany on how to find and keep a "good" man.

My initial reaction to this was "Wow, is this guy serious?" I had to read it over and over again to try to give you the benefit of the doubt but found myself having a hard time. I will give you a sliver of credit though about some of the things that you addressed. I'm not saying that what you're suggesting women to adhere to is completely out of line. There was some validity to what you were saying. HOWEVER, you're implying that if we do adhere to these rules that things will go our way and we will find and keep a good man. Not necessarily true.

I can say with confidence that I and the women in my immediate circle represent GOOD Women. Women with personalities, sense of humors, open-minds etc. Women who are more than willing to do everything they can to meet the wants and needs of a deserving man. Operative word, DESERVING!!! And we have done so, even for undeserving men, only for our efforts to be wasted and unappreciated.

I am not oblivious to that fact that there are women out there that have reservations about catering to their men for whatever reasons they feel they have. I have also witnessed and heard the horror stories from my male friends about females that call them all the time, constantly accusing them of cheating, etc.
But before you deem her inadequate or unworthy of a man's grace, take a moment to seek what's going on below the surface. The trick is to get a better understanding instead of jumping to ridiculous conclusions like diagnosing her "crazy". And has it ever occurred to you that these extreme measures could be a reaction to your actions? Have you ever bothered to sit down with yourself and asked if you're providing enough comfort and stability?
In case you didn't know, women have innate motherly attributes such as wanting to support and take care of others. Unfortunately over the years that quality tends to be destroyed by the likes of men that have been conditioned to marginalize and devalue women. It's not to suggest that we should carry along baggage from experiences in our past, however invest your time to get a better understanding that "even a stone can be worn with enough rain." There is so much that we can take after getting emotionally abused, over and over again. Empathize instead of criticize.

I implore you to leave the schooling to rational people. Instead of wasting your time, making weak attempts to strengthen the minds and attitudes of women as a whole, educate yourself and your brothers to be better men and learn to respect and honor women for their unyielding efforts, undeniable strength and value. Pay close attention and be more patient. And as a result we will proudly do the same.